


Terms of Endearment

by belikebumblebee



Category: Once Upon a Time (TV)
Genre: F/F, F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-09-07
Updated: 2013-09-07
Packaged: 2017-12-25 21:01:32
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,428
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/957561
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/belikebumblebee/pseuds/belikebumblebee
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Regina slowly raises her eyebrows, blinking once, and simply - looks at her. At this point, Emma suspects she might be in deep shit.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Terms of Endearment

**Author's Note:**

> Well - the lady said 'fic it'. So thank tumblr user deemnfic for making me write and post this particular piece of 'things that would make the show a bit funnier'.

In hindsight, Emma might have slightly underestimated who she was talking to.  
It surely was not the best idea she ever had.  
Actually, she has no fucking clue what on earth possessed her.  
  
 _"Pass the salt, please, babe."_  
  
It was meant as a joke. It was meant _ironically_ , the way people say _'hashtag yolo'_ out loud when they're about to do something they know is stupid.  
  
Regina slowly raises her eyebrows, blinking once, and simply - looks at her. At this point, Emma suspects she might be in deep shit.  
  
And then Regina just reaches for the salt and hands it to her. Emma takes it with the defeated expression of someone who knows they're going down, down, down.  
  
  
  
When it comes to revenge, Regina is not playing in beginner mode. Emma knows that, and she is super alert for trouble at first, but everything seems so normal, and maybe she was just overreacting. Regina did go a little soft, after all (at least soft enough to pretend to be asleep when they wake up huddled against each other. Sometimes.)  
So she relaxes. Nothing happens for six whole days.  
The seventh day is a sunday, and Regina likes to sleep until eight on sundays ( _'Woah, so super super casual'_ , Emma likes to dryly comment).  
Usually, that means that Regina still gets up before Emma does, but this particular sunday, her father calls around five in the morning and makes her come to the station. Well, there is a kid missing, so the reason is sort of legitimate (but really? Five in the morning?).  
The boy they're looking for is Mase Kazuhiko, aged seven and a half, whose father woke up to go to the bathroom and noticed the lack of snoring coming from his son's room.  
They call in all the dwarves and deputies to search for him, but it's Emma who finally finds the boy two hours later  - camping, in the woods.  
When asked why he eloped, Kazuhiko tells the them that he wanted to go on an adventure. Having had her own share of adventures, Emma just puts a hand on his small shoulder and tells him: "Dude. Believe me, adventures are best had after a good night's rest."  
  
David drives her home, which is nice of him because he was awake even longer than she was, and she invites him in for a coffee.  
"God", he says, propped up on his elbows on Regina's kitchen island, "all that because of a kid running away from home."  
  
Emma takes sip of her coffee and shrugs. Yes, she's exhausted, but she also felt like a badass when Kazuhiko's mom grabbed her hand harshly and shook it like she had just ripped her son from the claws of a dragon.  
  
Her dad winks at her. "Proudayou.", he murmurs into his coffee, and Emma maybe feels a little bit warm inside, maybe, but maybe not. Probably not. (Way too old for daddy issues. Way too _everything_ for daddy issues.)  
She clears her throat. "Who's in charge of the paper work?"  
  
There is a sound upstairs, a door opening and closing, so either Henry or Regina just woke up.  
  
"Well, you put Deputy O'Connell on desk duty last week, so I assume that it's going to be her, Sheriff."  
  
He smirks and she smiles back and behind her, Regina chooses that moment to enter the room, wrapped in a white bathrobe that looks like it was stolen from a luxurious swiss hotel. With a brilliant smile, she saunters over to Emma and places a kiss on her cheek that lasts about zero point two seconds longer than it needs to.  
"Good morning, _lover_ ", she greets her in a voice so sweet and so innocent, the 'l' rolling of her tongue in a good-humored way, that Emma knows _exactly_ what this is about.  
David stares at her like he has just witnessed an alien giving birth to their young, and Emma is almost sure the words _'does not compute'_ are going to appear on his forehead any moment now.  
  
While Regina leaves to get herself some coffee (and she is honest god _humming_ ), Emma lets her head fall to her chest, ears burning.  
That is Regina's first act of reprisal.  
  
  
  
Emma makes the mistake of believing that they are even now, which is why the second retaliatory action hits her just as hard as the first one.  
Regina comes by the station to talk to her about something (actually, she comes by to drop off the lunch packet Emma forgot at home, but neither of them would ever _ever_ admit to that ever), and somehow, they end up arguing.  
It's not a fight, but not a banter, either - after all, it is about Henry. Well, at least kind of.  
  
"Why do I have to be the one to go to this stupid parent's meeting?"  
  
Regina's voice is sand paper and silk: "Because I suffered through them for five years, because the other parents respect you a great deal more than they do me and because I ask you to."  
  
" _Asking_! Who is asking? I didn't hear any asking! Besides, why can't we both stay at home? It's not like there is any actual decision making going on, just parents bragging about their kids under the supervision of my mother. Whom I won't be able to talk to because she will be busy answering the same stupid questions over and over again. Ugh!", Emma huffs and Regina lets her purse snap shut.  
  
"Appearances, Miss Swan. That's why.", she answers and turns to the door of Emma's office that leads to the main room. At the moment, there are three deputies at work there (none of them look up when the door opens - two of them because they are trying not to look like they were eavesdropping - which they were - and Mulan because she actually did not eavesdrop).  
Emma stands in the door frame, right behind Regina who is about to leave.    
  
"I don't care about appearances when I don't see the point!"  
  
At this, Regina turns around and Emma leans back instinctively, expecting a snap. Instead, she gets a smile and a hand on her arm.  
  
"Oh my _darling_ , never mind. I'm sure you know what's best.", Regina says. It sounds a lot more like _I_ _will murder you in your sleep._  
  
Emma watches her go and feels like her brain might explode. There is absolute silence in the station, with the exception of Mulan's pen scribbling across the paper. Deputy Holt lifts his eyes and looks at her.  
It's the exact same look he gives her later that evening, when she shows up at the parent's meeting in time. "Oh, shut up", Emma snaps (before he has said anything) and goes to eat all the cake.  
  
  
  
There is a third strike, and under normal circumstances, Emma would have seen it coming.  
However, with Regina's hot, hot mouth pressed against her neck and her hands pulling at her clothing, Emma doesn't see much of anything coming (not yet, anyway...).  
Steady hands undo the buttons of her blouse one by one and Emma shrugs out of it, one slender finger strokes from one hip bone to the other (achingly slowly and ever so lightly), Emma sees stars because she forgets to breathe for too long.  
Blindly, she fumbles for Regina's top and steps forward in order to guide her into the general direction of the bed, when -  
she is unceremoniously pinned against the wall with way too much of a distance between them.  
Emma mutters and tries to break free, eyelids still heavy. " _Hey._ "

  
Regina's face is so close to her own that she can taste the honey dripping in her voice when she says: "Yes, _sweetheart_?"

_Oh, no. Not now_. Emma growls. "Regina!"  
  
"I'm listening, angel."  
  
"You have _got_ to be kidding me..."  
  
"Aw, baby face." Regina tuts and Emma is about to lose her mind.  
  
" _Stop it!_ ", she hisses, and Regina inches even closer. She can definitely feel every word on her own lips now.  
  
"Stop... what? Sugar... pie... honey... bunch." Regina articulates every word softly and with so much endearment that Emma just _breaks_.  
  
"Fine! _Fine._ I'm sorry! I will never call you 'baby' ever again!"

Regina lets that sink in for a moment, her gaze flicking from Emma's eyes to her lips and back again. "No, you won't.", she agrees with a smirk so tiny it is barely there. 

Emma pulls her close again.

"No, I won't."

_Hashtag Yolo._

"Kitten."

Regina's eyes narrow like an eagle's eye snapping into focus.  
  



End file.
